The Your Tango Experts share their best marriage advice.
We've asked 50 Your Tango Experts to share their best marriage advice.
Drop it in his/her briefcase or purse so he/she will find it unexpectedly and it will brighten up his/her day. For men, it's important to understand that women want to be listened to.
Men don't need to solve or fix everything; listening itself is an exceptional gift.
For women, it's important to understand that men need time for themselves.
By giving him space to pull away and not taking it personally, you allow him to reconnect with his desire for you and his commitment to the relationship. The biggest waste of effort in a marriage is trying to change your spouse, since the problems you have with your spouse are generally problems you have in yourself.
When you take responsibility for your part in the marriage, only then will you be able to connect with your partner in a mature, intimate way. Research consistently shows that touching more creates a stronger bond by releasing oxytocin.
Hold hands, rub shoulders, hug, kiss, give high-fives or even fist-bumps or bottom pats.
When you give a quick hug or kiss, try to lengthen it to at least 5 or 10 seconds for more effective results! Sometimes it's not about the amount of money you spend on a gift; it's about the thought that goes into something.
Take the time to write a thoughtful note every so often saying what you love and appreciate about him/her.
When you try to change your spouse you come across as a nag and wind up sending the message that 'who you are is not enough.' Nobody likes getting that message, and it leads to distance and polarization.
Let your spouse be who he or she is and focus on changing yourself. See problems — boredom in the bedroom, lack of conversations, resentment — as symptoms and treat those symptoms just as you would treat a chronic illness that seemingly has no cure.
Throw at it every possible remedy you've got, no matter how alternative or weird it seems.