One minute you’re high on the warmth of their attention, the next minute you’re frozen out and left wondering what happened. Whether you call it push/pull, on/off, or hot and cold, the end result is the same. Whether done consciously or unconsciously, this type of behavior activates longing and pursuit. If we don’t understand the game of hot and cold, we can find ourselves pulled into a drama of confusion. Understanding this type of behavior is crucial even for those of you committed to not playing games.
Behavioral extremes indicate a power play is being employed. Once we have the ability to see hot and cold for what it is, we’re less likely to suffer its negative effects.
It’s long been the rule that when dating someone whose behavior is marked by hot and cold reactivity, you’re standing on shaky ground.
Contact is reciprocal, time is made to see each other, and forward movement is evident. The hot phase is designed to get you in the gate that leads to the corral, where you’ll later be harnessed. Your partner begins to pull away making you long for their previous attention.
Whether initiated by a cold-shoulder, avoidance, or lack of communication… This phase activates loss, making you yearn for them and wait with bated breath for their call or text. These are the basic dance steps to this type of behavior. This formula is predictable and consistent even when your partner’s reactions are not.
You wonder what happened and begin to question every move you made. Simply put, when you pull away, they’ll re-engage you. After a cycle or two of this routine you’ll be so confused you won’t know which way to move.
Without realizing it, you’ve submitted to their need for emotional and psychological control. The pattern repeats itself for as long as you’re willing to play this game.
Our automatic response is to chase when the “other” pulls away.
What was once readily available is suddenly gone, and no matter how hard we try to regain our partner’s former affection, it now seems beyond our reach. They don’t need more time to figure out their emotions. The phases of Hot and Cold: The “hot” phase begins with a bang of overwhelming recognition. Bathed in newfound attention, flattery and flirtation spark a strong attraction for this person.
They’re not sorting out their last breakup, and they’re not swamped at work. The hot/cold scenario typifies much more than a lack of certainty on a lover’s part. You quickly find yourself craving more of this delicious new feeling.
This phase lures you into the hopes of the possibility of romance.
The beautiful truth is that this has nothing to do with you. There’s nothing you did, or didn’t do, that’s causing this.