These days, everything we thought we were doing right about domestic violence seems wrong.
Rihanna goes back to Chris Brown after he beats her up.
A "Real Housewife" is arrested for hitting her boyfriend.
The large majority of women aren't housewives at men's beck and call and men are no longer the sole breadwinners.
Much has changed since the 1960's and the birth of feminism.
Prepare yourself for these recent research findings: Many feminist scholars and policy makers have asserted that when approaching domestic violence, these now well-established research findings should be overlooked, repressed, or disbelieved.
Perhaps even more disturbing is the public's ignorance of the changing and more nuanced reality of domestic violence.
Consider these reactions to recent cases in the news: When Rihanna returned to Chris Brown after his violent episode, the web was buzzing with comments like: "Come on people! Well, according to the New York Daily News, Bensimon, 40 years old, punched her girlfriend boyfriend, Nicholas Stefanov in the face.
He apparently called cops and reported the incident. ""We do not know what her ‘boyfriend' did to incite such a response.
What therefore was this woman doing, if not making a call for help!
As feminists, we have been taught to defend women, regardless of what they do, to be understanding of the reasons they act the way they do, and to get women help when they need it.
We are taught to judge the men who hurt them harshly. We are also quick to reject those who do not conform to a "feminist mindset." All of these impulses are laudable, and as a feminist, I often agree with them.
Sisterhood teaches us that women (and the few good men who adhere to our beliefs) should stick together because in a world of male power, we will always get the short end of the stick.
The problem with this one-dimensional thinking is that gender dynamics are no longer so black and white.